Jess Stratton: What These Powerful Films Taught Us

Female in Focus

Jess Stratton

Oct 24, 2022

* NCAA runners compete at the national championships in Terre Haute

Photo Credit: Kirby Lee/Image of Sport

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Jessica Stratton - Old Saybrook (CT) High School, Class of 2019

University of Delaware, senior

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In November of 2021, Allie Ostrander wrote on Instagram, "Would you rather look 'like a runner' or 'BE a runner?'"

As I read these words over and over again, I felt like a match had been lit a dark room.

Something was finally presented to me, where looking like a runner and being a runner were two different things.

I thought that I was doing it right, by restricting what I ate and molding my body into a figure that gave me the confidence to perform and that fit into the norms of running. I was afraid to change what I was doing because of what I could lose, and because I had no idea what was on the other side of this world that I lived in.

Thank you to Allie and Amber for showing us what gaining your life and your running career back after an eating disorder looks like. Thank you for having the courage to be vulnerable in the midst of raw struggle. Thank you for showing us the magnitude of what's on the other side of a life that is dictated by food and appearance. Thank you for showing us that you can gain your life back, and in turn, become better able to do the sport that you love.

They have shown us that you are tough because you chose to get help, you chose to admit, and you chose to recover, not because you pushed through a workout in pain, ran through an injury, or won your state title as a freshman.

They have shown us that prioritizing health and being a successful runner can co-exist.

They have shown us that you can check yourself into eating disorder recovery.

I wish my moment of realization that I could not continue to under fuel my body came sooner, so that my running career was not plagued by injuries. I had no idea what I would lose because of my eating disorder. But although I have faced many setbacks since recovering from my eating disorder, there has not been a single day that I have regretted the choice to give my body what it needs.

Had I taken action any later, things could be a whole lot worse. I have gained value and purpose that is incomparable to anything that my eating disorder could ever have given me. I have gained a body that is healthy and capable of more than I can imagine when I give it what it needs.

I have a body that I can trust, because I know how to listen to it. I have a body that I can love, because it will show up to do what I ask it to do. I have a relationship with food that allows me to nourish my body, have fun with my friends, and fuel myself to sustain my activity level. I have gained my life back.

Thank you to MileSplit for sharing these amazing films, and for supporting the athletes who dare to be vulnerable and share their stories in order to empower other athletes.

So I ask you, would you rather look 'like a runner' or 'BE a runner?'

Jessica is a 2019 graduate of Old Saybrook (CT) High School and a senior at the University of Delaware. She was a multiple-time CIAC State Open and CIAC Class Class S Championship qualifier and placer, and held PRs of 2:22.78 in the 800m and 5:07.42 in the 1,600m. This past spring, she was named on the CAA's Commissioner's Honor Roll. This is a monthly series where Jessica writes about important and wide-ranging subjects involving young and developing runners.