Kara Goucher, The Longest Race, And Speaking Up

By Lilah Drafts-Johnson - MileSplit Correspondent

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Kara Goucher, an alum of Duluth East high school in Minnesota, is well-known for her illustrious running accomplishments as a three-time NCAA champion for the University of Colorado, two-time Olympian, podium finisher for the New York City and Boston marathons and World silver medalist in the 10K.

However, her new book, "The Longest Race: Inside the Secret World of Abuse, Doping, and Deception on Nike's Elite Running Team," co-written with sportswriter Mary Pilon, reveals the harrowing journey Goucher endured to not only achieve her goals as a runner, but leave the sport better than where she found it.

Goucher's advocacy led to stronger maternity protections for professional runners, revealed doping violations at the Nike Oregon Project and resulted in the lifetime ban of her former coach, Alberto Salazar, for emotional and sexual abuse by the U.S Center for SafeSport.

Goucher discussed her new book and its takeaways for MileSplit readers, emphasizing that her high school running experience was a pivotal time in which she developed a love for the sport that would sustain her during the dark moments of her career.

MileSplit: You've mentioned that high school running was a pivotal time that you attribute much of your later success to. What was it that your coaches or teammates did that created that positive team culture?

Goucher: I had such an incredibly supportive team and coach and it really set me up to push through even when times were hard, because of my love for the sport. It didn't matter if you were on the varsity team that won the championship or if you were the last JV runner, Coach [Dick] Skogg invested in you. It taught me early on that everyone's journey matters, not just the best person's. I would usually be the first one to finish a race, but then I would immediately go and cheer on my teammates and then they would join me. I always felt a lot of pressure to win for my team, but my coach would always say, "I just want you to have fun. I want you to run the best race that you can run, whatever that is." I'd be so nervous to race I was crying, and my teammates would say, "We don't care if you win or lose. We just want you to run the best race you can." I really feel like if I hadn't had that support, then I would have probably lost a lot of races.

MileSplit: In the book you discuss positive and negatives experiences you've had across the numerous teams and coaches you've competed for. What advice you have for young athletes in identifying which programs and coaches will allow them to thrive?

Goucher: I think it's important to really get to know a potential coach and find out, are you being forced into a program where it's sort of one-size-fits-all? Or are you going to a place where the coach is interested in you and your own individual progress? That was super important for me in college because I knew I wasn't going to make an immediate impact. Even if you are on top, I still have the same question: What happens if you have an off year? No one runs perfectly all the time. Are you going to be supported in the ups and the downs? Also, I think being able to visualize yourself with the team and making sure that you're getting into an environment that you'll enjoy.

MileSplit: One of the things I appreciated about your book is that you talk openly about different therapists and sport psychologists who helped you on your journey. How did taking care of your mental health help you in your physical performances?

Goucher: Oh, it helps so much. I'm not at all glad that my dad died, but I was put in therapy pretty young because of that, so one good thing was that I never felt stigmatized about therapy because I had grown up doing it. One of my biggest struggles was always my self-doubt. I grew up in this small town in Minnesota, I didn't know anything about organic food or big competitions, I didn't have the Internet until college. I always struggled with this question of, "Am I really good? How am I going to compete with these people?" Confronting my self-doubt wasn't something I could just do and be done with. It was something that I had to constantly work on; I considered it part of my training. But there were also periods of my life where I went through difficulties, little bouts of depression or dealing with loss. So much of running is mental, so if you're dealing with a lot of heavy stuff at home or heavy stuff in your heart, of course that's going to affect your running. There's nothing ever to be ashamed of, whether you go for sport psychology, or you're just dealing with a lot. It's really important to put your mental health first, always, and the running and the performances will follow.

MileSplit: What were some of the early red flags -- which maybe you didn't even notice until you were reflecting on them years later -- in your experience of working with an abusive coach?

Goucher: I was constantly needing permission to go home, to visit my family, constantly needing to check-in all the time. Your coach doesn't need to know what you're doing every single day. Your relationship is another thing that is not really your coach's business unless you want to share that. And it sounds so obvious now, but the way your coach touches you. At the time I was like, "Well, my coach, he just touches everyone a little bit inappropriately, he can be a little handsy and massage people out in the open." That is such a red flag. You shouldn't be massaged and exposed in front of other people, and it's never funny for your coach to pretend to touch you inappropriately. You have to define your own boundaries, but some crystal-clear ones for me are if they're touching you in a way that doesn't feel right, making comments about your body in a way that doesn't feel right, or asking questions about your relationships in a way that doesn't feel right; that's not okay. They're there to help you be a better athlete; they're not there to decide who you hang out with or what you do in your free time.

"Even if you are on top, I still have the same question: What happens if you have an off year? No one runs perfectly all the time. Are you going to be supported in the ups and the downs?"

MileSplit: In the book, you share about your personal experiences of sexual assault at the hands of your former coach. So often I think people don't know what to say or do when someone shares that they've been harmed in that way. What were some of the responses from your friends and family that made you feel heard and supported?

Goucher: I had a lot of fear of sharing because I think my family and friends look at me as strong and capable and smart. And then I had to tell them that this thing happened, and I was so afraid that they would see me as different or feel bad for me. I opened up very slowly to my mom and sisters first, and what my mom did was she just shot down any option other than it was not my fault. So, if I was like, "Well, I did wear sports bra and shorts around him a lot," she'd say, "That Nike issued you? That was part of your work uniform?" That was really helpful because there was so much shame and embarrassment that I had been dealing with alone in my head for years, and she just shot it all down, like, this is not your fault. I felt like I could talk more openly because she wasn't going to allow me to accept any blame.

MileSplit: Your book title is a reference towards this lifelong journey you've had not only with running, but with your body. What's that journey been like for you lately?

Goucher: It's been a journey of acceptance that I don't have the same body I had when I was 14, 24, 34 or even 44. Maybe this word is too much, but it's also wondrous because it's still fun and exciting. Even though there are things I can't do, there's so much more that I can experience because I'm not hung up on my watch anymore. I'm much more open to trying different things and meeting up with people. I was diagnosed with runner's dystonia and I have days that are tough, but one of the lessons I've gotten from athletics is to have patience and take advantage of the good days. I'll never be as fast as I was and I'll never run as far as I did, but I'm still happy and fulfilled. When I was younger, I used to think, 'Oh, when I can't make an Olympic team anymore, I'll never run again. What would be the point?' And now that I'm in that place I've realized there's still so much to do and see and to be as a runner. It just continues on, you know?

MileSplit: One of the lines in your book is, 'Change starts when good people refuse to stay quiet.' What helped you find the courage to use your voice? And what advice do you have for young athletes in developing their own?

Goucher: There were years where I felt like I was standing on a ledge by myself. But the bottom line was, the fear of people being mad at me or not believing me wasn't as bad as the fear of knowing that I didn't try and change something so that no one else has to go through what I did. Speaking up is scary, but what has happened to me is that I use my voice, and sometimes there is some pushback. But eventually, more and more people see you survive it and then they share their stories, and they strengthen your voice. You're not doing it for the people who doubt you. Your concern is the other people who you could maybe help.

"I have days that are tough, but one of the lessons I've gotten from athletics is to have patience and take advantage of the good days. I'll never be as fast as I was and I'll never run as far as I did, but I'm still happy and fulfilled."

You can order Kara Goucher's book at the link here or find it wherever books are sold. Resources about sexual abuse in sport can be found at the Army of Survivors website here.