Dear Running: Running Has Changed Me In A Positive Way

Over the course of a person's life, one can go through rough times and many obstacles. These challenges that we face can range from something so small that we overcome it in a few minutes, or it can be so long that it seems everlasting. Either way, these setbacks will make an impact in our lives, negatively or positively.

This past year, during the second semester of my junior year, I felt completely lost and empty. It was as if my personality and color was being drained out of me, leaving me to suffer in silence. I was not sure why my thoughts overwhelmed me or why I could not find my way back to my old self. I would look up at myself in the mirror and notice each day I grew weaker and weaker. My energy was low, leaving me to feel tired while also wanting to seclude and abandon myself from my loved ones. Everyday was the same; I would wake up for school, take a nap, train, and then get home to prepare myself for bed. Although I would be in bed early, I wouldn't get much sleep at night. My brain never seemed to shut down; instead, it swirled these chaotic thoughts around me, turning into a pile of stress. This feeling drowned me so much that it started to drag down the things I loved most with it.

My desire to run and to compete was no longer there. Although it may have seemed like I was working hard while feeling passionate about my sport, I was actually in pain every step of the way. This dark feeling that consumed my brain was affecting the way I would think so much that I started to imagine things in my workouts or become anxious. When I would train, my vision would become blurry and my mind would run wild. The space around me seemed like it was slowly enclosing itself. From my perspective, it was a nightmare, but from others ... all they saw was a girl stumbling in tears trying to get through a difficult workout. It wasn't until one practice that I completely lost it. A hundred meters left in the workout, I fell to my knees, begging for help. I wanted everything to just stop.

It felt like I was trapped in my own mind. But when I looked up, I realized that what was going on was real. After hearing my dad and coach tell me how much the little kids on my team looked up to me, I told myself I needed to change my attitude and run based on passion rather than time. I knew from that day on that I had to get back on the track by focusing on all the positive aspects of running if I wanted to finish my season off successfully. What's more, the love all around me -- especially the track and field community - made me more driven than ever. Everything around me felt so much more enjoyable, too. I felt no more pressure, and I had finally found myself smiling again.

Over time, I began to see the results in my running as I switched my mentality and attitude. Once I broke through the wall, everything about me changed in a positive way. Although I did struggle mentally for a while, I ended up accomplishing my goals while enjoying life and others around me at the same time. It's been roughly a year since. So far this track season, I have made an effort to make sure I'm smiling at meets or at practice. While I'm still focused, I make an effort to laugh and talk to the other athletes around me. Knowing that I influence other people in small ways, hearing that athletes are inspired by my efforts on the track, it's brought me joy and made me fall in love with running again.

Chachi 

Boerne Champion '22

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